i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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