I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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