Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
