i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
