i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
