Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
