Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
