If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
