It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
