My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
