STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
