broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
