You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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