I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
