Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
