my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
