i think i have two assholes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
