Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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