dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
