Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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