Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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