i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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