I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
