Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
