I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
