if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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