I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
