there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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