so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
