dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
