"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
