I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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