Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
