Non-Jews are for practice
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
