dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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