Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
