Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
