I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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