Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Soap is not a condiment
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
