I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
