Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
