It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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