i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're making bets on your personal life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
