Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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