I wish my penis had an off switch
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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