so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
