Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
