How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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