you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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