Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
